Lisa Oz, who coauthored all the You books with her husband Dr. Oz, takes on relationships in her own book, Us: Transforming Ourselves and the Relationships that Matter Most. To read an excerpt from her new book, click here.
Relationships define us and give us meaning. Based on 25 years of marriage, Lisa makes the argument that to be in a healthy relationship, you need to be in a good relationship with yourself.
"You need to get beyond the stuff of false identity that makes up ego -- your looks, brains, job, money," says Lisa. "You need to get in touch with your real self so you can be more intimate with others."
To help discover your real self, Lisa recommends the Enneagram, an ancient system of personality typing. Although its exact origin is unclear, the Enneagram is thought to have been used by the Ancient Desert Fathers and Sufi mystics thousands of years ago, and was brought to America by the spiritual teacher G.I. Gurdjieff in the early 20th century.
The Enneagram's purpose is to help you see yourself more clearly; it reveals both your strengths and weaknesses, which paradoxically, are often the same thing.
"By identifying where we are on that chart, we see how we behave habitually, how we may not be living the most conscious life we can," says Lisa.
There are 9 different personality types. For instance, Dr. Oz identifies as type # 3: The Achiever; he's highly driven toward success but also fears failure. Lisa falls under type #6: The Loyalist; she's deeply loyal and affectionate, but also craves certainty and has difficulty managing fear.
"For me," says Lisa, "all of transformation is about letting go of ego identification." The Enneagram system identifies certain fear and attachments so self-revelation can occur. Then, you can love yourself and others more deeply and unconditionally.