As a sex counselor and author, I end up talking to a lot of people about their sex lives. And not just in the office. Sometimes I can't walk down the street without someone stopping me with a question. In the end everyone wants to know if they're normal, but when it comes to sex, the only thing that's really clear is that everyone is different, even if they do experience similar issues. While everyone's story is unique, the questions are often the same. Here are the top five questions from men, women and couples:
How do I slow things down during intercourse?
Premature ejaculation (PE) is the most common sexual complaint reported by men, regularly affecting roughly one in three men. When a man ejaculates too quickly during sex with a partner, he may feel like a bad lover. His partner may consider him a selfish lover. A host of other self-defeating emotions are often thrown into the mix – such as shame, resentment, and inadequacy – that only compound the problem.
While PE can be troubling to men and to their partners, a big part of the problem with PE is the way we approach it. In our sexual mythology, we applaud women who can reach orgasm quickly (and, often, do it again) and yet glorify men who can last like the Energizer Bunny in bed. We've somehow made "fast" a good thing for women and something close to the end of the world for men.
What if we thought of PE as part of the same fabulous sexual responsiveness and body-sensitivity that we applaud women for? It would certainly take a lot of the pressure off the guy – and his penis – which, ultimately, is half the battle in managing PE. The truth is, a variety of techniques can help a man gain more control over when he ejaculates. And there are plenty of ways to enjoy satisfying, responsive sex when a guy does reach orgasm early. Attitude, as the old saying goes, is far more important than aptitude, and it's certainly true when handling PE.