Wow. The rain finally stopped. It was pouring down rain this morning and it was beautiful. Like the soft break in the Bob Seger song goes: "I woke last night to the sound of thunder. How far off I sat and wondered.” Well, OK, it was this morning when I woke to the sound of thunder, but it was good and it was a good rain – a great rain, actually, one that washes away the crap and makes way for the new.
It’s so absolutely cool that this rain comes the day after receiving disappointing news. It comes after a night of having Chinese food, too. Yes, I had it, but I knew that I needed it. I embraced my desired to eat badly so that I could face the emotions tied to them head on – like when Sean Connery turns the sub into the path of the oncoming torpedoes in "The Hunt for Red October." He did it so they wouldn't explode and sink him, and I did the same.
We all wish, from time to time, things were different. That’s OK. That’s life, and disappointment triggers others thoughts and fears (and demons,) and out of those I sought comfort food. Sometimes this is how I deal with stress. When these things happen, it means I have “bottomed out” in that situation.
But to use a quote from the Pretenders, "We are all of us in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." That is me. I am a hopeless romantic dreamer and a believer in dreams. I am an optimist, even when mired in the crap that is usually washed away by a great rain. I just needed a few days to lick my wounds, because that optimist saw a million ways things could have gone right, and not any of the ways it wouldn't.
Is that bad? No. It is merely human. We all want our dreams to go well, especially when our hearts and minds are equally involved. I don’t know about you but when I set my mind on something look out – I usually do make it happen, although not in this recent case. Every now and then, life is out of your hands and we can only control the things we have the power to control, like our reactions to things such as a rejection and pondering what would have been.
I emotionally eat because I tend to throw myself out there and take chances. Food is part of my life that I can control. So I do, sometimes for the good but sometimes for the bad. But this experience has only added to me as a person. I am better and more experienced for having done this. And while it’s OK to let myself turn myself into the torpedo to keep them from really exploding, I have to remember the great stuff, too. I lost just one single opportunity in a world filled with possibilities. To keep putting yourself out there may be scary, but it is absolutely why optimists like me keep putting ourselves out there – those endless possibilities.
That is the beauty of rain. It washes away the old and makes everything clean and ready for the new. Last night's Chinese food is over with and done.
Today is a new day and a blue sky is peaking through.