Get Over The Fear of Starting

Three years ago I never thought I'd be writing my first blog as a Wellness Warrior for Dr. Oz's website. Three years ago I could barely run to the plane. I could barely do a push up. I was over 265 lbs and was in denial about my poor health. My cholesterol and blood pressure were all high and my doctor told me I had to loose weight or I would be on medicine the rest of my life.

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Three years ago I never thought I'd be writing my first blog as a Wellness Warrior for Dr. Oz's website. Three years ago I could barely run to the plane. I could barely do a push up. I was over 265 lbs and was in denial about my poor health. My cholesterol and blood pressure were all high and my doctor told me I had to loose weight or I would be on medicine the rest of my life.

Until one day I looked at myself long and hard in the mirror and said, "Who am I? I have got to take control. I have to get over the fear of the biggest, hardest project I could possibly think of...dropping down to a healthier weight."

I was in complete denial of who I had become. Yes, I'd been heavy my whole life. As a child, they used to call me "Big Bonnie Balloon Butt." But I had gained significantly more weight in my 40s when I reached menopause. I had been building my freelance illustration career and had a very sedentary lifestyle. And I was living outside of my body. I felt as if I had this big life with friends and my career was taking off; but I was trapped inside this big body with no clue how to get out.

I was scared. I didn't want to have a heart attack like my father. I had a lot of living I wanted to do. I decided I had to overcome the fear of this daunting task before me. I was stubborn. I didn't want to wear sneakers. I didn't feel comfortable in work out clothes; or any clothes for that matter. But I wanted to change. I wanted to gain control of this woman who I had become. I felt like I needed balance. I needed the inside of myself to match the outside of myself once and for all.

So I began. I turned myself on. I decided fear and fat were not going to be a part of my world any longer. I decided that I wanted to tread more lightly in this world. I talked to my therapist Amy about my fears and she gave me great advice. She said, "If you can do something for 18 days straight, then it becomes a pattern and you'll keep going. And so, I started walking, and walking and walking.... and 18 days later, I was still walking. In a few months, I had burned off 30 lbs! Simply by walking.

Now, I have continued to walk, exercise and eat better. I now weigh 143 lbs. I have overcome the fear of starting. Now I have walked proudly onto the stage of The Dr. Oz Show...and into the next chapter of a life that I have reclaimed.

It is my sincere hope and strong desire that my personal triumph will inspire others to take the first step on their own journey to a healthier and more fulfilled life. This is my mission to help others believe in themselves. 

Blog written by Bonnie Matthews
At age 44, Bonnie decided to take control of her body and health. Despite having never exercised before, she lost 130 pounds the...