I was helping my sister load boxes into a U-Haul today as my dear grandmother watched over my son, Benaiah, and my sister's oldest son, David. I walked past her a few times before she stated, "I can't believe how BIG that baby is"! I continued walking and thought to myself, "What baby"? After further thought, I said, "Mama, do you mean the baby in my belly?” She chuckled and replied, "Yes, dear, I'm just not used to seeing you with such a large tummy."
Ugh! Those words would normally have given delight to a pregnant gal, but this gal internalized those words and just felt fat! I'm pregnant, not fat, so why did I feel this way? Pregnancy is miraculous and beautiful in so many aspects; however, my ever-expanding waistline does not make that list! In recent days, celebrities have even made comments saying that they wouldn't want to conceive a child because of what it might do to their body. I, on the other hand, believe it is an opportunity to drive the "nail of change" deeper within my being. It is yet another opportunity to build my confidence that I will never, ever gain the weight back!
Emotionally, I am challenged to not become depressed with my expanding waistline. Physically, I am challenged because my body feels tired. I recently told my husband that the physical weariness I experience is very similar to the exhaustion I felt (on a daily basis) when I was heavy. I am more easily winded these days, and loading boxes into that truck was a reminder of that for sure!
Today was a great reminder that even if I feel like I swallowed a ton of bricks, I cannot allow my emotions to drive me to eating more – and neither can you! Words can either empower you to change or they can rob your joy and allow you to wallow in negativity. I remember when I was heavy, if someone were to whisper, giggle or say a snide remark; I would turn to food and dig my hole deeper. Eating myself into oblivion seemed like a good plan. I felt better...for only a moment. It would be so easy to throw the towel in because you are feeling overwhelmed. Take the power back, and use any emotion you have to kindle the fire within you that will help you cross the finish line!
My belly is indeed getting bigger, and I'm okay with it!