National Sex Experiment

Turn off the TV and the computer. Get a timer, set it for 10 minutes – and talk to one another about one another. You are not allowed to talk about the kids, chores, finances or any other stresses. Talk about subjects that range from each other’s day to each other’s dreams.

Do this every day.

Set aside time to kiss and cuddle for 10 minutes, 3 times a week. No having sex during this time – it’s meant to rekindle your desire for foreplay and awaken your slumbering sexual desires.

Have sex once a week. It doesn’t have to be the best sex of your life, the most experimental or something from the Kama Sutra. But it DOES have to happen. You are carving out time for each other and making sex a weekly priority.

Partners need to show each other Appreciation and Attention; the third “A” for men is to show their woman Affection, while the third “A” for women is to polish up their Appearance.

Appreciation

• Men need to make their wife or partner feel loved.
• Women need to make their loved one feel he’s doing a good job.

Attention

• Men need to help more around the house. Show her that you notice all she does for you!
• Women need to make their man and the relationship a priority.

Affection

• Men should provide their loved one with non-physical attention – or at least attention with the sole intent of having sex.

Appearance

• Women know it’s easy to slip into something more comfortable, wash off the makeup and let the little things slide. Think about how you used to primp for first dates and special occasions – it will put some excitement back into your relationship as well as showing your man that you’re still interested in him.

Try to do at least 5 things that reflect the 3 A’s every day.

Foreplay starts at least 24 hours before you have sex; it’s emotional as well as physical. Kiss each other like you mean it, “kiss with intent.” And don’t forget about foreplay during the act of sex.

Here are some foreplay tips from Dr. Berman:

Use technology to get your naughty point across. If you want to spice things up, make sure your partner is thinking about you all day long. Send a sexy text or email about all the things you want do when you see him after work. He will be rushing to get home like never before! (Bonus points if you include a sexy pic! It doesn’t have to be graphic – maybe just a picture of your lacy bra strap! Let his imagination run wild with just a hint of skin.)

Kiss with intent. What does this mean? No more pecks! Don’t kiss your partner like you are kissing your mother! Make it a sexy, passionate kiss, full of intent – the intent to be physical, whether in the moment or later in the day. Kissing often isn’t enough. Quality over quantity!  

Treat each other well. Sounds simple enough yet it is something couples often forget, especially if they have been together for a long time. Treating each other well doesn’t just mean being kind, it means going above and beyond board to cater to your spouse. For instance, you could pitch in and clean up the house without being asked (I am talking to you, husbands!), or you could let your partner control the remote without complaint.

Take your time. Once in the bedroom, don’t zip right to intercourse. Intercourse shouldn’t always be the goal of every sexual encounter. There is so much more to sexuality than that. Try giving each other erotic massages, or giving your partner a sexy striptease. Women tend to need more time than men to “warm up” in the bedroom, so don’t jump right in and go 0-60 mph. Take your time and enjoy the scenery along the way!

This is aimed at breaking you from your tired formula. Write you fantasies down and keep them in a box. Make a promise that you won’t laugh at each other – that doesn’t always mean that you’ll pull out a fantasy that both of you feel comfortable doing – but it should mean that you are comfortable sharing your innermost desires.

One night every other week, pull a fantasy out of the box. This is the sexual act you’ll share for the week.

Foremost, you should keep doing what’s working for you, as a couple, from part 1 of the experiment. That can include talking for 10 minutes a day; finding time to cuddle and kiss for 10 minutes a day, three times a week; continuing to contribute to, and experiment with, your fantasy box; working on, and eventually mastering, the art of foreplay; and remember to show affection, appreciation, attention and keeping up your appearance.

1. Set Sex Goals
   Negotiate your desires, dislikes, fantasies, timing and any other sex-related issues during your daily 10 minute talks.
2. Have Sex
   For the next month, have sex 2 times a week. Work on the quality of your sex as well as the quantity. Try to connect with your partner using a technique like soul gazing; sit facing each other with your right hand over your partner’s heart. Look into their eyes and synchronize your breathing. These small moments of intimacy can often spark the desire for sex. For more tips on the intimacy and communication from Dr. Berman, click here.