See All ExpertsPaul Hokemeyer, PhD, JD
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Paul Hokemeyer is a licensed attorney, researcher and Marriage and Family Therapist who works with individuals, couples and families to enable them to understand, heal and grow from unhealthy patterns of relating to themselves and others.
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Blog Posts
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I just finished reading 50 Shades of Grey. For most of you, the book needs no introduction. It’s a hot and steamy novel that’s been a topic of conversation among women of all ages for...
Unless you live in a cave, I don’t need to tell you Katie has filed for divorce from Tom. In fact, I don’t even need to tell you their last names. We’ve been privy to the intimate details of their...
Growing up in the early ‘70s, I’d admire the fancy drinks my parents prepared at their parties. With names like Pink Squirrels, Gin Fizz and Manhattan, these alcoholic concoctions seemed innocent...
One of the most devastating things that can happen to a woman is to be cheated on or left for a younger woman. It’s insulting, it’s humiliating, and it’s infuriating. In my clinical and personal...
Last night the most beautiful woman sat next to me at my weekly meditation meeting. Usually, these situations don’t rattle me, but this particular woman captivated me in her splendor.
...
I was discussing the concept of sexual anorexia with a colleague who was treating a 37-year-old married woman. The woman came to see him for issues relating to pain medication dependence....
Shopping and spending money, unfortunately, has become the defining feature of a “successful” holiday. The message we’ve been given is that unless the tree is surrounded by gifts, the holidays are...
The notion that a man makes a woman, although absurd, is deeply engrained in the female psyche. It tells women they need a man to nurture and love them, to provide for them, and to protect them...
Somehow we’ve been taught to believe emotions fall into neat and tidy categories. The first category consists of “bad” emotions. Anger is one of the emotions that people consider bad. The second...
Infidelity is an issue that’s never far away. From world leaders to our next-door neighbors, no one’s immune to cheating. The simple fact is that infidelity is alive and well -- and relationships...
Yesterday, I received a call from a friend who lives in a small Wyoming town. She asked if I ever heard of couples whose marriage fell apart because the husband was addicted to Internet sex....
Call me a Luddite. Call me a hopeless romantic who’s out of touch with the times. Just share your thoughts with me in person, for it is there in our human encounter that we can establish an...
Data published by the World Health Organization estimates there are more than 1.5 billion, yes, billion people around the world who are overweight. That’s a whole lot of overweight people.
...In my psychotherapy practice, I treat lots of adolescents and their parents. One of the changes I’ve observed over the last five years is how children have become incredibly disrespectful of their...
I’m getting married in less then a month. It’s the second marriage for both my fiancé and I. And it’s a very different experience from my first.
In contrast to my first...
One of the greatest gifts I’ve received as a psychotherapist is my ability to work with mothers. From their vulnerabilities, mothers give strength. And in a world full of conflict and uncertainty...
In my last blog, I identified characteristics of addictive family...
As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I help people heal from unhealthy, unsatisfying and destructive relationships. Sometimes these relationships involve addictions to alcohol and drugs. Often they...
When we hear the word boundary we typically think of things we can see or touch. When ball players go “out of bounds” they cross over a line that’s clearly marked. In this regard, boundaries serve...
We all dream of bigger and better things for ourselves; a better sex life, more meaningful relationships, weight loss, smoother skin and a healthier body. Typically, these dreams come to us when...
Recently, I read Drs. Twenge and Campbells’ book, The Narcissism Epidemic. In this book, the authors explore how narcissism has reached epidemic proportions and discuss its individual and social...
Yesterday, I spent the afternoon with one of my dearest friends. Actually, the word "friend" doesn’t fully describe the richness of our relationship. Dina’s more of a soulmate. She’s a person who...
Let’s face it: in 2011, you’re going to make mistakes. I certainly will. I’ll step on toes and have my toes stepped on. I’ll make unhealthy food choices, say the wrong things, and forget to do...
The holiday season is upon us- joy to the world and fa la la. But while most of the world may be decking the halls with boughs of holly, some of you may be feeling a whole lot less than jolly. In...
For better or worse, we live in a media-saturated world. Perhaps you’ve yet to embrace all that is electronic and new, but rest assured your kids are hyper-connected. Within seconds of an...
Over the last several months I’ve become aware that the practice of psychotherapy has expanded beyond the confines of the treatment room and into the ethers of cyberspace. No longer does my...
Last week was an incredibly difficult one for me. Over the course of it, two different young men came into my office and admitted they intentionally cut themselves.
The first...
The phrase “eating disorders” typically invokes visions of painfully thin women staring vacantly from glossy magazines or strutting down runways. I personally find the glamorization of excessively...
Chances are if you're reading this blog, there's a teenager lurking somewhere in your life. Perhaps the teenager is living under your roof. Perhaps the teenager is living somewhere else....
At last night’s dinner, Reeve’s grandfather asked him to stop pouring the salt from the shaker onto the kitchen table. In spite of repeated requests from a man he loves and admires, Reeve couldn’t...
In response to last week’s entry about teenage depression, parents from around the country sent me questions about their adolescent children. The most common question was how to handle their...
Yesterday I had the privilege of sitting in a room with a group of parents whose adolescent children suffer from depression. What touched me was how committed these men and women are to improving...
For years, I've heard people describing others as narcissistic. And if you've been paying attention in this 21st century, I'm sure you've heard these descriptions as well. You know how it goes, "...
Relationships are a tricky matter. Yes, that’s right, after spending the last decade of my life working towards my PhD in Psychology, this is the profound conclusion I’ve reached. And like most...
For nearly 2 months I’ve watched as oil from the damaged BP well pours into the Gulf of Mexico. It’s as if a deadly cancer has struck someone I love, coursing through their body and destroying...
A large part of my work with families in the field of addictions is helping parents deal with the excruciating fact that a mental illness has afflicted their child. Sometimes I see these people in...
Last week I attended a conference on eating disorders at a leading teaching hospital in New York City. At the conference, one of the presenters suggested obesity should be viewed as an addictive...
A few days ago I overheard a woman in the subway tell her friend she was “addicted” to Dr. Oz. “I just love him” she explained to her friend, “I could watch him for hours…”
Now I,...
We live in a world saturated with infidelity. For months we’ve endured the details of Tiger Woods’ sex life and Sandra Bullock’s humiliations. Prior to Mr. Woods’ and Ms. Bullock’s...
Over 2 decades ago the term “co-Dependency” burst on the self-help scene through the publication of Melody Beattie’s 1987 Codependent No More (Hazeldon) and Pia Mellody’s 1989 Facing...
This past Sunday, Joan Rivers reclaimed her position as the reigning queen of judgment at the 82nd Oscar awards. But rather than sharing the red carpet with the men and women who she critiqued,...
Yes, you read that right. Your kids want boundaries. They crave routines. They thrive within limits. And yes, they’ll kick and scream, whine and moan, but that’s part of the process that will...
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