Get your groove back with this plan to help enhance your relationship together.
Sensuality is the precursor to romance and sets the stage for liberation so you can indulge in fun, frolic and fantasy. Take a vacation from the ordinary – it is time to become extraordinary. This can be done solo and with a partner. Practicing “present moment awareness,” each action becomes more conscious and more sensual, you transform the ordinary and make it special. Turn down the usual sensory inputs. Leave your endless to-do list behind.
Rituals transform the everyday “things” we do and makes them sacred and prodigious. Self-love equates to more connection with yourself and with your partner. Intimacy and romance doesn’t just happen in the bedroom, it begins in our mind and imagination first.
Please yourself first, partner next. Once you are relaxed, allow your fantasies to take their course. Pamper yourself at every occasion – in the bath, in the bedroom, scent your underwear, your hair, bed sheets. You deserve it. It is part of the self-love ritual.
Step 1: Awaken Your Senses to Awaken Your Libido
If you feel like your libido is on hiatus, there are ways to awaken it. First, all devices off – TV, computers, tablets, phones, radio. No TV before sleep – it interferes with sleep (making you more tired the next day). This will help you unplug from your everyday reality and create a new one.
Step 2: Focus on Your Senses: Touch, Sight, Scent, Sound and Taste
This you practice by yourself and can also be done with your partner. Instead of a shower, take a bath. Dim the lights, light some pure aromatherapy candles and add pure essential oils to your bath. Bathing (not just to cleanse), anointment of the body and self-massage will help relax and titillate yourself. Make sure to play some soothing music (instrumental and relaxing).
Sight: Have dimmers installed in your bedroom, bathroom and dining room so that you can control the lighting and invoke instant romance. Install some red or pink light bulbs as instant mood-enhancers, light some votive candles in the bathroom or bedroom or share a candlelit dinner.
When you are in front of the mirror in the morning, start your day with loving affirmations - “I am beautiful, I am perfect, I am complete.” When you feel more relaxed, you’ll feel more sensual and therefore more desirous.
With your partner, gaze into each other’s eyes saying, “You are handsome, you are beautiful, you are loved, and you are my Love.”
Touch: When we close off one sense, others senses can become rejuvenated. When it comes to intimacy, we need to awaken our sense of touch. Do so by blindfolding your partner so your touch becomes unexpected and exciting. It creates a sense of mystery that can invigorate the sensual part of the relationship. Let your imagination run free.
Sound: Like scent, sound is a potent game changer! Studies have shown that music can activate the same pleasure center in your brain as sex. You’ll want to choose music that is relaxing and melodic, something to help release everyday stress and anxiety. Music helps drown out the noise of the day and puts you in a state where you are present for your partner. Make your own sexy playlist, dance alone or dance with your partner. Try a breathing meditation with affirmations, soothing melodies and rhythms to enhance the relaxation response and release stress and anxiety. The sound of another's breathing aroused is often arousing itself. Listen to this love playlist and inner peace playlist to get started.
Scent: Our sense of smell is our most ancient sense residing in the limbic part of our brain. There are certain scents we can incorporate into our routine to aid in our vitality, to arouse and to pacify our emotional state. Some of my favorite aromatherapy oils for energy are: peppermint, eucalyptus or zesty citrus scents. For intimate settings, go for scents like ylang-ylang, rose or vanilla. You can use these in your bath for yourself or for massage with your partner, to scent your home and office space and even to scent your sheets and other unmentionables!
Taste: Feeding each other aphrodisiac foods when one of you is blindfolded can also be arousing. Sweet fruit paired with chocolate is one of my favorite snacks. Try dark-chocolate-covered strawberries, fresh figs drizzled with honey, Mexican hot chocolate with chili or avocados and artichokes.
Step 3: Make Your Intimate Life a Priority
Follow the 10-minute rule: Just like with exercise – the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Beginning can be daunting when you’re exhausted. So, just like you begin slowly on the treadmill, I want you to start slow on your intimate journey. Studies show that just by starting to become intimate will put you more in the mood no matter how tired you may be. The proximity and skin on skin contact release pheromones that trigger desire.